Its that time of year that all teachers and children love; the summer holidays!
Yet here I sit wondering how I am going to manage the next few weeks. I find this time of year a scary change from the routine that work gives me. Surely at some point since childhood I should of adjusted to the fact that in summer there is a long holiday which is not tied to time. Endless days of not having to do anything in particular. Maybe I am in the wrong profession.
I also have the looming prospect of leaving my therapist. I currently have 2 more sessions left and I am terrified. I do not feel ready at all, but I need to realise that NHS resources are not endless. Lets hope I don’t sink rather than swim when that last appointment has gone.
Anyway enough of the moaning; I have to keep positive! Lets see if I can stick to that resolution.
A blog of a supply teacher
Today involved teaching in a year 2 class for an interview. It was awful!
Teaching with a perforated ear drum is not to be advised I have discovered as not only does it make your head pound but you find yourself looking at the classroom as if it is on an angle. I have no doubt I looked drunk and it made there behaviour intolerable. There was also an internal candidate so my chances were reduced greatly anyway.
I think I realised that I have maybe gone the wrong way with regards to my career. I’m having doubts about whether I am suitable to be a teacher. But do I want to give up all the hard work on a whim?
I have to think what would I do if I wasn’t a teacher. Quite honestly I can’t imagine doing anything else. My confidence though in my teaching is now at minus a thousand and with all the paperwork that is added to the equation (and I’m not talking about planning and marking as these are essential and maybe not even those dreaded target sheets) and I feel that really I’m no good as a teacher. Paperwork has never been my forte.
Decisions to be made it seems.
A supply teacher battling depression and looking for work. Kind of sums me up in a few words.
This blog is just a record of the next few months of my life. They are going to be a battle for me, hence the title of this blog. They are going to see me leave therapy and psychiatric services in general and will hopefully see me move on into a job in a new area and move into a new place. They are scary prospects for me. They will hopefully be as positive as possible and will hopefully raise a bit of awareness for those in my profession who have a mental health problem. This is something I found recently that needs to be tackled. After having been turned down for a teaching role for the sole reason that I have depression “and wouldn’t cope” I felt its time my profession loses the stigma inducement that it has for mental health problems. The statistics talk for themselves really (and you will find out I both love and hate statistics mainly because I know I can use them to back up a point but they can also be manipulated to make any point valid). Did you know almost a quarter of primary school teachers suffer from a mental health problem? It shows we are like the rest of society where 1 in 4 people will experience a mental health problem.
I’m hoping this blog will also be cathartic for me as well so please bare with me on any rants etc though by now you will have probably shut off. Anyway I hope to speak soon and update as much as possible.